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May Flowers
"Though April showers may come your way, they bring the flowers
that bloom in May…" So goes the '20s Al Jolson tune
that became a theme song of the Depression era. My
mother, who grew up during the Depression, would sing it
to herself in our Bronx apartment kitchen at times when
she was down. Mom sounded a lot like her favorite
singer, Mildred Bailey. In our house, singing tended
to lift the spirits.
April showers bring May flowers: so corny, and so true.
We don't know joy in life without also knowing sorrow.
Joy and sorrow go hand in hand, like night and day, shadow
and sun, showers and flowers.
Yet I've noticed that people often think that something is wrong
with them because they aren't constantly happy. The
truth is that no one's life - rich, poor or in between -
is without some measure of painful disappointment.
I've had a beef for a long time with all those different large
group seminars that promise so much success and
fulfillment as long as you keep coming back and paying for
more and more seminars. Yes, we can all use
more support, more motivation, more encouragement.
But we can't live in a state of hyper positivity all the
time. At least I can't – can you? Post-Jolson,
the Rolling Stones put it well: you can't always get
what you want – no matter how positive your thinking.
It seems to me that part of leading a healthy life is
developing the capacity to bear disappointment – in life,
in ourselves and in others. To bear – it's the
opposite of collapsing under the weight of something.
To bear disappointment, sorrow, guilt, means to be
able to go on living productively and creatively –
to affirm life, even while bearing the knowledge that life
is hard, nothing is perfect, and our time is short.
If we accept that life will always bring disappointments, sorrows
and regrets, then it really makes sense to invest in
developing the habits of appreciation and perseverance.
As the pre-Jolson poet so wisely put it, "gather ye rose
buds while ye may."
It was uplifting to read recently of the 96 year old writer, Harry
Bernstein, whose first novel was recently published to
tremendous critical acclain.
The book was rejected dozens of times, and then lay on a
publisher's desk for a year before someone picked it up
and decided to give it a shot. Talk about never
giving up!
We probably all know how hard it is to experience a crushing
disappointment, at a personal level, or even at the global
level – the world can sometimes seem, especially these
days, awfully rotten. It's not always easy to resist
the temptation to crawl into bed and pull up the covers.
Maybe at our darkest times, crawling into bed is the best
we can do.
But then come those spring flowers. First there's crocus and
daffodil, then forsythia, magnolia, apple, cherry, lilac -
sacred names of spring, here in the northeast - the annual
succession growing more fragrant as the summer draws
closer. It's worth getting out of bed for, every
time. Winter will always come around - but
faithfully, undeniably, thankfully - so will spring.
dan@danielshawlcsw.com
www.danielshawlcsw.com
© Daniel Shaw 2007 |